There is no quick and simple guide to picking the perfect engagement ring.  There is, however, a way to build your confidence when making this purchase by expanding your knowledge and refining your options (without having to speak to any salespeople… including myself). My hope is that this article will not only prepare you for this special purchase but that it also excites you for the entire design selection process. This may be the most valuable piece of jewelry you ever purchase (no pressure), so you doing this research already shows your effort and good intention.

Whether you’re just starting to browse online or plan on stopping by a local jewelry store, start by putting yourself in the best position to shop. Avoid researching engagement rings online in a place where someone could accidentally see your screen. I also don’t recommend trying to shop at a store during your lunch break or in the middle of the weekend rush. Allow yourself a good amount of time in a stress-free environment to do your research. It’s not uncommon for you to want to reach out to close friends and family for advice but just take into account that the more people you involve in this process increases the likelihood that it will not be a surprise. I understand that buying an engagement ring can be intimidating so do what you must to be at your most confident state. However, just from my experience, when you bring in a friend or family member for support, their preference and opinions can sometimes conflict with yours.

Since you’ve begun your research, more than likely you have either had that breakthrough moment where in some form you said to yourself, “I’m ready, it’s time”. Or you as a couple have started the conversation of taking the step into marriage. This is a very exciting time so relish in that moment. Now that you know a proposal is in the near future, it’s time to collect any helpful details that could be used when it’s time to shop.  If your significant other starts to drop hints of designs they like or shows you photos, you must make a conscientious effort to remember those details. It will prove very helpful in the process of elimination as you will soon learn that engagement ring options are not only vast, they are limitless. There have also been plenty of instances where I’ve assisted people who don’t have any hints or details to reference which is OK, too. (Sense that confidence?) Here are a few things to think about:

1. Pay attention to what your significant other already wears. Do they wear silver or gold metals? Do they typically wear heavily embellished pieces or subtle, dainty pieces? If they don’t wear jewelry at all, that’s a sign too. That’s a person I wouldn’t assume would want an overly decorated mounting.
2. Finger size is a big factor in the ring style you choose. The average stock size for engagement rings are between 6 and 7. Solitaires (engagement rings with one single diamond in the middle) are the best type to size since there are no accent diamonds set on the sides that are affected when a ring needs to be expanded or cut down. If you choose a ring with smaller diamonds coming down the shoulders, significantly sizing it smaller or larger will compromise the setting which increases the risk of diamonds falling out. Sizing a ring (for example going from a size 6 up to a 9) can put a lot of stress on the mounting so I recommend that if time allows, you have the ring custom made in the finger size you need. Most rings purchased will need to be sized (or at least once over time) so it’s OK if you buy a ring that isn’t an exact fit, it’s just easier to size it if you’re within a good range. This is the best time to research what repair and warranty coverage is offered from the business you are considering purchasing from.
3. When do you plan on proposing? If your answer is this weekend, we’re going to hope you find something that ticks all the boxes readily in stock. If there are multiple characteristics you’re trying to find in one ring, you will have to be open to the idea that it may need to be custom made and that it will take on average 2-6 weeks to create. It’s very possible to find the perfect engagement ring (or close-enough) with time and checking out multiple stores. This will all depend on how much time you’re willing to spend on finding a specific ring.
4. Prepare your budget and expectation. The internet is a huge advantage when you want to get an idea on pricing but can be a bit confusing when you’re not familiar with the abbreviations next to the price tag. I don’t recommend you begin price matching until you understand more about metal quality and diamond grading. The more you know about the individual factors involved in creating an engagement ring, the more you will understand their varying price range.

Now that you’re thinking about a general design, time frame and budget we can get started on narrowing down the two parts of the ring. The mounting and the diamond.

Part 1: The Mounting Design

There are hundreds of articles online that discuss the history of engagements along with the evolution of materials used for the ring. Traditionally, you purchase the ring you are using for your proposal, the engagement ring. This ring usually has a diamond set in the center, the diamond signifying “your promise to marry.” As the center diamond is the focal point of the ring, designing how the metal will showcase it is what inspires the art in creating engagement mountings. This ring is worn by itself (commonly on the left hand ring finger) until the wedding ceremony when wedding bands are exchanged (the band is put on first to be “closer to the heart”). Most engagement rings are paired with a matching wedding band however it is just as common now to mix and match, preferences vary.

When people browse the internet for ring inspirations, they get to have an endless preview of different settings and designs. When I’m behind the counter and the customer asks to be shown engagement rings, I start asking about the mounting before the center diamond. Ring mountings will often be displayed absent a center diamond (we call this a Semi-Mount) due to the wide range in shape, size and quality customers desire for the center stone. One of my first questions might be, “has she shown you some designs that she likes?” When trying to describe the mounting you’re looking for, it’s helpful to know some key terms to narrow your search: Solitaire (a plain mounting with one single diamond in the center), Halo (this means the center diamond is encircled with smaller diamonds), 3-Stone, Pavé, Filigree, Milgrain, Scalloped, Channel, Floating, Bypass. To visually see these styles and customization ideas, I’d suggest checking out stuller.com. This is one of my favorite companies to work with because their website is user friendly and they produce high quality products. (They’re exclusive to jewelers with member accounts only but they can help you find a jeweler near you to obtain their products.) If you don’t have an inspiration photo to show the jeweler, knowing these terms will keep from doing the guess work of what you mean when you use words like “simple”, “elegant”, “modern” or “vintage”. It actually makes me laugh as I’m typing this because I have been surprised countless times as to what some people consider “modern”. These techniques are all very different which is why being able to describe what you’re looking for can help filter your options. Another thing I encourage when clients are trying to decide on a design is looking for a mounting that fits their lifestyle. Any ring you would describe as “dainty” or “delicate” should not be considered if it’s likely to be worn by someone who does a lot of hands-on work. Shopping for a ring that will be worn daily should not just be based on beauty but on practicality, as well. No matter what kind of mounting you choose for durability, it will still need a considerable amount of care over time. (Please see my article Avoid Jewelry Repairs and Loss on how tips to maintain jewelry.) As engagement rings are intended for daily wear, I will go over the commonly used precious metals that showcase the beauty of diamonds that can also withstand day-to-day use. There are mainly three precious metal colors to choose from: Yellow Gold, Rose Gold and White metals (silver tones). Most white/silver engagement rings will likely be White Gold (WG), Platinum (PT, Plat) and Palladium (PD). 

Yellow and Rose Gold– While gold jewelry is usually sold in 10K, 14K and 18K, most engagement rings will be set in 14K and 18K (K stands for Karat). Pure gold is 24K which is soft so it isn’t durable enough for daily wear or to hold valuable gems. Mixing pure gold with other alloys is what transforms it into different colors and adds hardness. You will find that in your search, 14K is the most available as it is a good balance of gold content, durability and affordability. Only in Yellow and Rose Gold will you notice that the higher in gold content (karat) the darker and richer the color will be. For example, 10K Yellow Gold (10KY) will be a lighter gold color than 18K Yellow Gold (18KY). Neither of these require a surface finish so there isn’t a whole lot of regular upkeep aside from needing to have scratches buffed out. As most shop jewelers are familiar with working on gold, you should have an easy time locating a store that can repair, resize, or refurbish your ring (if the place you originally purchased from doesn’t offer it).

White Gold doesn’t exist in nature. White Gold is yellow gold mixed with other alloys to become a more silver color. Due to the gold content, it remains a tint of yellow so it has to go through a process called Rhodium Plating to accomplish the bright platinum color on the surface. Rhodium Plating must be re-applied periodically and the frequency depends on how it is worn. White Gold engagement rings are primarily offered in 14KW and 18KW.  When they are new, there is no visual difference. Depending on wear, 18KW will show scuffs more as it is softer being of higher gold content and it may have more yellow tint when the Rhodium Plating wears off.

Platinum is a natural “white” metal, known for durability and being hypoallergenic. While no Rhodium Plating is required to keep its color, platinum will likely wear to a matte finish and show dents more.  Platinum also being such a strong metal requires special tools and higher heat to work on which could limit the jewelry shops you can bring them to when it’s time for detailing or repairs.

Palladium is also a natural “white” metal that is ideal for engagement rings for its durability and color. Unfortunately, with the increasing popularity of palladium for other uses, availability is limited and pricing reflect its demand.

Depending on the artist and/or manufacturer, they will sometimes use two metal colors known as two-tone (TT) to add contrast to the design.

Finding the right metal is really a matter of what features are most important to you. As I’ve taken in countless rings for repair, I’ve seen how the metals wear over time and they are all durable with their own strengths and weaknesses. In the end, all rings will need some form of maintenance but the best way to decrease the likelihood of shop visits is by being mindful of how the ring is worn.

Part 2: The Diamonds

When you look up “Engagement Ring” I have no doubt that the first image that comes up is a diamond ring.  While people will argue this tradition, its value and rarity, your options are now larger than ever. Diamonds are the ideal gems for engagement rings as they are the hardest of all minerals. This in no way means that they’re indestructible they are just most suitable for daily wear and scratch resistance. The only alternative gemstone recommended for an engagement ring is a sapphire (second hardest gem on the MOHS Scale of Hardness). Considering diamonds are the leading gem in engagement rings, this is what I will be focusing on. For now, let’s think about the shape of the center diamond. The most popular shape options you will see are; Round Brilliant, Oval, Cushion, Princess (square), Emerald, Marquise, Pear, Radiant and Asscher Cut. Of these shapes, the most traditional that’s always in demand is the Round Brilliant which is also why there are more Semi-Mounts readily available to set them in. Jewelry ads highly influence current trends so I try to warn my customers that a shape that’s popular now may not be as desired later on.

Unlike any other type of jewelry, engagement rings are the one piece people take the closest look at. As soon as you announce your engagement, the first thing people do is ask to see the ring which is why I would emphasize springing for the highest quality you can. This brings us to the subject of diamond quality, the 4 C’s.

When you visit jewelry websites or stores you’ll likely be overwhelmed with the different brands and terminology used to describe the diamond grading. I encourage you to familiarize yourself with the 4 C’s (Cut, Color, Clarity & Carat) to make the reports more comprehendible. (For a detailed summary please visit GIA.EDU)

Cut: This is commonly mistaken for the “shape” of the diamond however this deals specifically with a diamonds measurements and proportions. Diamonds achieve maximum fire and brilliance by the precision of their cut and polish. Some brands stand out more than others as they market their special faceting style, advanced cutting instruments and the expertise of their seasoned cutters. If I were to relay this to someone in the simplest way possible, I would tell them that how a diamond is cut affects the size appearance of a diamond along with it’s ability to reflect light.

Color: The most desired diamond is one that is colorless (not to be confused with Fancy Color Diamonds). As it is nearly impossible for a shopper to differentiate between the color grades, the best way to compare is by seeing them in person. The diamond color grading chart is a D-Z system, D being colorless and Z being light (more yellow). On hand, I’d say most stores carry colors D at best and J at lowest for engagement rings. Keep in mind that if you are looking to set the diamond in a white metal, you’ll want it to be as colorless as possible.

Clarity: This grades the size, location and visibility of a diamonds natural inclusions. Inclusions can look like little black dots, white feathers or even cracks inside of a diamond. Majority of diamonds have inclusions, the “clarity” just grades how much and how visible they are. The more internally clean a diamond is makes it better to reflect light (and the more they will cost.) The diamond clarity grading chart starts with Included (visible inclusions to the naked eye) to Flawless (Internally free of inclusions). In stock, jewelry stores will typically offer I1 for the lowest grade and VVS (Very Very Slightly Included) for the highest grade.

Carat Weight: The weight of a diamond refers to it’s actual carat weight on a scale, not size. Depending on how a diamond is cut, a 1.00ct diamond can appear larger than another depending on how the carat weight is distributed.

Once you compare them visually, you’ll quickly decide which of these characteristics are important to you. When I’m sitting at the counter with my customer, I have the 4 C’s chart next to the grading reports of the diamonds I’m showing. I teach them how look at a diamond through a jewelers loupe so they’re able to view it with the naked eye and through 10x magnification. We all want to have the best quality but I also understand that there is a 5th C which is “cost” and that is also a determining factor.

At first, shape and size seem like the only options you’re trying to choose from but what drives the rarity and price is the quality. Here’s the most important piece of advice I can offer you when selecting your center diamond, make sure it has a grading report by a credible establishment. Anyone can say that the diamond they’re selling you is natural and is superior quality but are they a reliable source? GIA (Gemological Institute of America) is known by all in the fine jewelry industry. While other gem labs are qualified to grade diamonds, GIA leads the way in providing impartial grading reports through rigorous evaluation. This is valuable for both the buyer and seller as the scientific report lists the following: if it’s a natural diamond, if it has been treated, color, clarity (and a map of the diamonds inclusions), carat weight, a diagram of the diamond proportions, its country of origin and much more. If you find that a diamond comes with a GIA certificate, you can rest assured that you’re getting the quality that you’re being sold.

Choosing between a Natural (earth grown) and Man-Made (lab grown) Diamond:

Natural (earth grown) diamonds are millions to billions of years old. Through extreme heat and high pressure, carbon atoms bond in the earths mantle then carried to the surface by volcano eruption. The conditions in which rough diamonds are formed is a remarkable occurrence. After the mining process, diamond cutters carefully examine rough diamonds to determine the best shape and size to cut them in. Sometimes they have to decide whether or not to cut a diamond for size or clarity (which could waste more of the diamond). They are then processed through distributors and diamond graders before being exported. Once you understand the process of how that earth grown diamond reached your hands, the price seems a bit more reasonable.

Recently you have probably started seeing ads for Lab Grown diamonds and that they’re advertised to be at least 30% less in cost than Natural diamonds. How do they compare? Lab grown gems have been around for decades but mainly sold in color gemstones (sapphire, rubies, alexandrite and emeralds- precious gems that are also rare and become more expensive as the quality and size increases). They are sold on the merit that they are made of the same chemical properties but instead of being formed by earth over years, they are created in a controlled lab within days to weeks. In the past couple of years, sales of Lab Grown diamonds have skyrocketed and has raised the question of “Why purchase a Natural Grown diamond when you can have a Lab-Grown that is exactly the same but lower in price?” As previously discussed, Natural (earth grown) diamonds go through quite a journey with their formation, labor of mining and distribution. Some would argue that they would prefer a Lab Grown diamond for environmental reasons. While this is an admirable concern, consider this also. Some of the labs that create man-made diamonds are having to imitate what the earth does naturally to form diamonds. High heat, high pressure. The energy required to power these machines aren’t very good for the environment either.  While internally they are made up of the same physical properties, gemologists are still able to differentiate earth grown versus lab grown with 100% accuracy. To the naked eye, it is not easy to see the difference between the two (if at all).  However, with lab grown diamonds being relatively new to the market, there is no telling how they will hold value in the future.

I hope that this has given you a little more insight when it comes to the creation of an engagement ring and allows you to put one together with all the features that is important to you. Whether you have photos to reference or are creating the design on your own, have confidence that you have now considered every component that makes up the “forever” ring.

While this can seem overwhelming at the moment, I will pass on to you the final thing I say when closing my engagement ring sales… “This was the easy part.”